5707 N. 22nd Street
Tampa, FL 33610
P:813.272.2244 F: 813.272.3766

Behavioral Health Topic Centers

r s s feed icon
Relationship Problems
Resources
Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsLinks
Related Topics

Family & Relationship Issues

Ask Dr. SchwartzAsk Dr. Schwartz:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Is It Him Who Is Too Hard To Trust Or Is It Me?

Fri, Jul 9th 2010

A little background:

I'm a strong, independant woman. I'm friendly and engaging, but I have a very thick wall. I've gotten this way because as a little girl I was unable to depend on my parents for protection and comfort and concluded I could only count on myself. I've had many relationships, but I've always ended them because I just didn't feel they were "it."

About a year ago I met a guy who was everything I wanted. He lived a few hours from me so we exchanged numbers and after a few phone calls he admitted to me that he was married. I had always had strong morals about this situation but I was unable to hold them up in this situation. We began dating, and I told him I couldn't continue it and he would have to choose. Within a month he had filed divorce and we seriously pursued our relationship. I fell deeply in love and let him all the way in my walls, no holds barred. I knew he looked at porn, and I understood that we were far apart and, as he said, he wouldn't need it as much once we lived together. I was under the assumption that this meant we'd have more sex than he looked at porn, but, apparently not.

I told him I was fine with porn as long as it didn't effect our sex life and even offered to watch it together. However, he's been looking at it in secret almost every day since we moved in together over a month ago. To top it off, he told me several months into our relationship that I was not the first woman he had cheated with his wife on, as he had led me to believe. In fact, he had been cheating on her almost as long as they had been together, whenever he had the opportunity.

He's done a lot to prove how he feels for me, from divorcing his wife to moving here to live with me, and I don't doubt his feelings for me now. However, I can't help finding things to worry about, from him cheating on me too, to his continued (and possibly escalating) use of pornography leading to worse activities or a denegration of our sex life.

The main question is, do I have cause for concern, or am I being crazy and maybe causing problems?

THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.

Disclaimer

  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.