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My Boyfriend Has NO Sex Drive

Mon, Dec 27th 2010

 

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for only 4 months. The first two months we had a good sexual relationship. We were often intimate but definitely less than what I would have preferred or was used to with a new relationship. My boyfriend expressed that in the past he has had issues with affection as well as having a low sex drive. He is open to discussing this and to getting help.

He believes that part of the reason he has these issues with sex is that he ties it to a time in his life when he was using drugs. Now he looks at sex as something dirty. He said he can have random sex with no problem. But sex with someone that he cares about gives him anxiety.

He told me that he will avoid situations where he thinks it may lead to the bedroom. He won't kiss me and now, more recently, he won't even go to sleep in the same room as me. He makes excuses but when I finally had a heart to heart with him he admitted that he was avoiding having sex with me.

His behavior makes me question if he really cares about me. Is he attracted to me? He tells me that I can't look at it in the same way as he does because it has nothing to do with his attraction to me. Instead it has everything to do with his own issues with anxiety about sex.

I think he is an amazing man and I want to try to work through this. He said he is willing to seek therapy but my concern is will therapy really work? Will we ever be a "normal couple" or will this be a constant struggle. This is such an early stage in our relationship that I am contemplating leaving him. But I have not been with someone that I have cared this deeply for and so I don't want to run if this is something that can be fixed. Please help!! Thank you!!

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