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Abused As A Child and Now It's Ruining My Life

Sun, Mar 20th 2011

I am 35 years old. I grew up in a large family of six children. My father was an abusive alcoholic and often beat my mother. After an intervention he gave up drinking for 10 years. It was at this time he began to sexually abuse me (from about the age of 4 years to 11 years old), and later on I found out he had abused my sister too.

I've always had emotional and anger problems, especially when I was at home, which I think stemmed from this abuse.

Recently, I've been having flashbacks and remembering specific incidents of the abuse. Then, it throws me into a deep feelings of sadness and loss. I'll often just sit and sob alone in my room when I know there is no one else around.

I really hate getting upset in front of other people, even my husband of 7 years, who I love dearly. Instead of getting upset I have fits of uncontrollable anger and violent outbursts, which my husband is usually on the receiving end of.

I feel very alone and sad and the flashbacks seem to happen more often now. I have told my husband that I was abused for 7 years but not by whom. He doesn't understand and he is sick of the angry outbursts and I now feel he is pushing me away.

I just want to forget the scared little girl hiding in the closet or under the bed to escape my father. I have trouble holding down a job, and, when I'm presented with a challenge, I run away and hide from it. Please help me get over this. I feel like it's ruining my life and my marriage.

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